I'm creating this topic as a safe space for trans members of our community to come and vent, ask for advice, meet, or discuss trans-related topics. If you are not trans*, you are welcome to post in here, but please be especially sensitive to the experiences and identities of your fellow yaoi-lovers; this is not a space for discussing whether or not you'd "do it" with a trans person or whether or not you believe trans people have a right to exist. And to everyone: please respect each other's pronouns. It may sound like a cliché at this point, but using someone's desired pronouns can go a long way toward helping them feel accepted and valid; not using someone's desired pronouns will go a long way toward invalidating their identity and will cause psychological damage to that person.
By definition, someone is transgender if they identify as any gender other than the one assigned at their birth based on their genitalia. This doesn't mean that a transgender person with a penis necessarily identifies as a woman or that a transgender person with a vagina necessarily identifies as a man. Gender is a hugely complicated facet of human identity, and it consists of multidemensional spectra that most cisgender folks (people who identify as the genders assigned to them at the times of their births), and probably many transgender folks, too, don't try to fully comprehend. In any case, there are people who identify as neither a man nor a woman, and there are people who identify as both (or even one or the other at different times); there are even people who don't identify as having any gender (and these folks typically fall under the definition of "transgender" simply because their lack of gender does not correspond to the gender that they were assigned).
Assigned as male at birth, I came out as nonbinary---neither a woman or a man but some other, undesignated gender---via Facebook on my 22nd birthday, only a few months ago. I've always felt uncomfortable being referred to as a man, and in fact my body/facial hair often gives me a sense of dysphoria, and I have never thought of myself as a woman, either. However, I pass as a man. Because of this, I am consistently referred to using masculine terms (including pronouns, but I couldn't care less what pronouns people use to refer to me). Unfortunately, I am shy, and the knowledge that transgender people, especially nonbinary and non-conforming people, are marginalized in my society certainly doesn't help. So I'm always afraid to correct people, even my accepting (if not fully understanding) parents. I've corrected people, maybe, 5 times out of hundreds so far.